A student wanting to measure something asked his teacher, “Sir, do you have a ruler?”
“Yes,” answered the teacher, “she’s at home watching the kids.”
On the first day of school, Peter handed his new teacher a note from his mother. The teacher unsealed the note, read it, looked at Peter with a frown and placed the note inside a desk drawer.
“So what did she write?” Peter asked.
“It’s a disclaimer.”
“It says, ‘The opinions expressed by Peter are not necessarily those of his mother or father.’”
“It’s no good,” said the hopeless pupil to his English teacher. “I try to learn, but everything you say goes in both ears and out the other.”
“Goes in both ears and out the other?” asked the puzzled teacher.
“But you only have two ears.”
“You see, I’m no good at math, either!”